I accidentally burped into my bong.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
