Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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