I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
