So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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