I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
MIDGETS
????
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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