I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You need a sexual gate keeper
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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