hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
