Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
