Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
