I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
