White coat. Heels.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
