an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
