he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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