a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
