You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
