my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
