The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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