I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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