You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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