I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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