It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
