Do you still have your period?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
