i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
