My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
