I just made out with a guy for $7.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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