Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
