I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
