the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
