ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My vagina is officially offended.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
