stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
