I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Randomize
