She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
