When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
