Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
