i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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