you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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