My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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