apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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