Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
