how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
