We're facebook friends in real life
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
