If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She needs sedatives and a leash
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
