clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
