He told me they were just razor bumps!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
