I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
