I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
