If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
