My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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