I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
