his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
