So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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