I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
