I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
