I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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