Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
