your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
